康复之旅第59天：2021年ˊ6月13日 - MCO 3.0 第39天 - 所谓FMCO第13天

 2021 June 13 - Day 59 of Recovery . FMCO Day 13th .

逐渐放下过去，接受崭新的自己。既然已经选择了，就去行动，只需定时复盘即可，检讨失败之处，再次继续坚持下去。此次想必是上天关了一扇窗，而开了一道康庄大道或无归路也好。

既然重拾对物流，对供应链，对贸易的喜爱，那就证明最爱的事情并未褪去，就该无怨无悔对这个行业地付出。我就是我，人家说不可能办到的事，我偏要干它一场大的。这条将是从零开始的征战，所谓零是无资金，只有靠知识人脉，不断成长，放开心态地开始一场的长远征战。

这条路也只能靠自己的坚持理念，开创自己想要的新格局。希望越多挫折越好，那才证明这条路是自己心中想要的那片心中国土。我只相信自己的理念，还有志同道合的伙伴，以我奇葩的性格，个性，志同道合，能敞开心胸的伙伴可不易找。

物流，供应链，等我。。。我就快调整好我的心态回来这个难缠的市场，再多4个月，就好好出山了。。。

第8周目标(13/6 - 19/6)
1) 恢复运动-跑步, Nintendo Switch - Ring Fit （在肌肉拉伤整个星期了，终于有少许好转）
2) 冥想-继续与黑暗中的自己对话，寻找心灵到底要的是什么？
3）继续读书-训练新技能，成长。
4）对于电商的市场调查-供应链角度，物流作为其支撑点之一的，其电商买卖家的心理思维，马来电商与中国电商的模式，思维的比较；网卖-微商-代理，这些新生意模式的理论概念。
5）以音乐-放松心情，以激励视频学习成功人士的那些思维，并慢慢地把这些习惯，思维培养在骨子里。

康复之旅第58天：2021年ˊ6月12日 - MCO 3.0 第38天 - 所谓FMCO第12天

 

Day 58 - 2021, June 12. FMCO Day 12th.

Impatience begins to flow into me, anyhow, it's the endless process to be persistent. Persistent with that dream, that vision. Just be yourself, delete old version of me, and create new version of me.

Be the youngster at the age 20s in your heart, it's an endless painful process. Just concentrate on myself, whichever other than my things, it's not necessary to please the others. As what stipulated in 自己的事，他人的事，老天爷的事。 As today is the last day of week 8th, 他人的事- I have be good to others, and week 9th - is a game changer point - 他人的事，随着6月12日这天12点凌晨-完全封锁。

Welcome week 9th - 2021 June 13 - 2021 June 19. A brand new one to please myself alone , and ignore the others. Depression comes from myself , that's true, but it partially originates from 40% to please others. To others, they don't give you a f***ing care , what's the point to care about it, and bring you to that disaster, which mainly caused by myself - old version of me too caring on others feelings, new version of me will do that back to others, not to revenge , but to love myself.

I myself deserve to love myself, so when later in future you meet the new version of me, don't tell me that I'm too harsh , don't too demanding. I'm now what I am , which the situation and others pushes me to change to new version of me.

康复之旅第57天：2021年ˊ6月11日 - MCO 3.0 第37天 - 所谓FMCO第11天

 

 

Day 57 of Recovery - 2021, June 11.

 

Positivity begins the day, these 2 weeks - learn not to expecting anything return / target from what I try to do for my sister's kid (Frankly, it's feeling a big failure as well, as really no satisfaction at all as don't have any progress) Teenager take 16 years to grow in such a way, due to multiple factors / reasons. Not to says wrong, just immature at this age. However, I've been teenager before, I also only begin to study hard by the age of 17, but with a better foundation. I have trying my best for the past 2 weeks, and try to overcome my another biggest self obstacle - phobia of getting a kid (Most of the reason is myself - overthinking - as afraid my kids in future will be like them). 

 

Anyhow, it's time to learn another part when it's comes to education for kids - not to expect any progress from the kid in short time. I have been a teacher before in 2009 - 2010 if not mistaken, being a high school teacher teaching Economics and Business. Sigh, maybe my teaching skill have not being polish for a while, a time for me to take up a bit to teach the teenager. 

 

When to back to action in work? I would say anytime once I feel fit to back to work + doctor's advice, few job hunters hunting, but frankly, still not ready to work yet , and now just the starting point to re-build my confidence back and haven't train up the skill I wanted to have as well . 

 

By the age of 37, new chapter , new target set. Persistence is the only thing that I needed to go through right now , and for this new target is a new target after my lifetime downtime, although it's not my lowest point of life, but it's time to try out my goals , my vision again. A better version of me, will have the persistence to breakthrough all the obstacles. Brainstorming done for first stage, second week - week 9 of recovery will be written those brainstorming into business proposal stage . 

 

I'm me, myself , if someone would like to talk on ROI %, then I would says for my way, my direction. Who ever ask on ROI%, then you won't understand Lawrence. New version of Lawrence will says DO it, or BELIEVE it. Else, no point to work together, I have proven in my past tracks and have my own ways, if we can't work together with, then let it be. 

 

Let's begin the day with my sifu of LM quotes, consist of 29 words:

勇敢面对人生，展望未来！做事踏踏实实，对事不对人！以诚待人，天天学习！

康复之旅第54天：2021年ˊ6月8日 - MCO 3.0 第34天 - 所谓FMCO第8天

 2021年6月8日。
康复之旅第54天。失败MCO 3.0 第34天，FMCO第8天。
过去的7周过的并不容易，谢谢一直陪伴我，聆听我的朋友亲戚，兄弟等。

这7周算是人生低谷之一，虽然不是最低，却是因为忧郁症的出现导致自己一无所措。在经过阅读，听音乐，冥想，运动，以及尝试与新常态融合，并不能说完全康复，至少是有进展的。
忧郁症恐怖之处在于：它把你带到一个心境-完全不知所措，你这时候问我，为何会这样？我到现在答不到你，为何会如此？毕竟会因人而异，我的状况不外乎长期压力+疫情带来的生活改变而我不自觉地没改变，一味地工作工作（就是一直起身-去公司上班-回家-继续工作）。长期压力：我没好好运动，以及我缺乏与朋友们沟通社交，长期压抑而成。认识我的人都知道，我很喜欢在工作后吃个饭，喝一小杯，去有live band 的酒吧听歌。其实那是我释放压力的几个小时，完成这些晚饭后，我回家后并不是直接冲凉睡觉，而是把当天未处理完成的工作继续完成。

为何为人工作那么拼？对不起，我从未替人打工，都以打工仔的心态去工作,而是每次以新鲜人的心态去学习。每换一份工作，虽然最多工作时间是3年，没公司打破这魔咒。这可能因种种因素而成，每个人都有弱点，这次我的忧郁症，告诉我-我这次的弱点是想太多以及不够胆去行动，以及如Jim Carey 所说忧郁症的产生是因为你讨厌现在的虚幻人设或某个阶段的不想要的人格，而忘记了原本的自我或因某种刺激因素而创立新的人格。

每换一份工作，都有成长得道路。华为教会我的企业狼性文化；以及任总的企业管理模式。学习得最受用的一句，是由第一位供应链经理教导华为的理念，只能体会，不能字母领悟的“财散人聚，财聚人散”的一个格局。这个都影响我过后的管理模式。

港湾-东铁则教会我大环境如何影响一个企业的营运，操作。同时也令我了解到中国私企与国企的不同之处，如何在这两种企业打交道，沟通，工作，生存。

理文则是我第一份在工厂工作的环境。这里教会我工厂的苛刻环境，从零开始地建厂，也许是我那么多份工作，真的从5人的团队-2019年12月到2021年4月的30多人团队，最后在我忧郁症无法如常工作而被逼离职的情况下去离开。理文这1年多的经验，如果明白我过去的征途的人都知道，如果我说这1年多等于我3-4年学习到事情也不为过。学习从一个更大的格局去处理物流外籍关系，如与物流商，船运公司，港口等去一起合作处理巴生10大厂-货量而言，也真的是没骗你。其量，我一开始是相信了，要不然我觉得其他人在我这个位置上也会三个月不到就离职了。其货量加上其理文第一次以重进重出模式处理货柜，是理文的第一次尝试。这个重进重出模式，是我还想挑战的。就算后续10月回不了理文，也会相对去其他纸厂吧？

BIBM的那位兄弟，谢谢你一直以来的陪伴。你与另几位兄弟默默的陪伴，真的真心感谢感恩有你们。真正兄弟情其实毕业之后吧，2007,2008到现在，14年兄弟情，真的蛮长了。虽然中间有几年少联系，不过真的谢谢你在第一时间，你是第一个逼我出来放空的第一位朋友。在此，希望你快点找到你想要的灵魂伴侣。要健健康康地活下去，现在我们才37岁，至少还有一半的人生要走下去。
接下来的我还想休息个4个月后，才回到职场工作，前后从4月15日算起休息半年，也是不错的。人啊，有时候放下脚步，细看周围的人，事，物也是不错，放下的6个月一定不是白过的，在0收入的6个月其实并不好过，无业游民，其实要顶着经济压力，消耗存款去过的。。。

 

康复之旅第47天：2021年ˊ6月1日 - MCO 3.0 第27天 - 所谓FMCO第一天

 

 

康复之旅第47天（2021 年6月1日）Recovery Day 47- 2021, June 1.MCO 3.0 Day 27th, so called FMCO Day 1

 

放纵了自己的第六周(23/5 -29/5), 就一下子不受控制地胖了、颓废了。The result of letting go myself, not being self discipline for week 6 : “Gained weight and lost my motivation “

Anyhow, week 7 (30/5 - 5/6) , time for learn to be driven to solve my own issue. As seen in one Chinese positive quote, there are only 3 types of matter which human going after during the whole life - Ourselves’ matter (自己的事), Other’s matter (别人的事）& God’s Matter (老天的事).

 

If I already given chance for the past 6 weeks to solve others matter and they don’t come automatically to me , then I will says once I have shut down my open door and focus on my own matter, don’t ask me why I don’t keep my promise to assist on your matter later.

 

As you know my style, I’m a person who take our friendship relationship seriously, I’m really straight forward person , but once you have push me to my bottom line , that’s it . I will shut down the door to stop offering my assistance on yours matter and focus on my own self development. (Anyhow might reopen again once I solved my problem, but frankly , I won’t offer my BEST as what I have opened for past 6 weeks)

 

Week 7th onwards, time to FOCUS on one thing - my own thing. Review of week 6 , failure as below:

 

1.      Exercise / Sports stop from 27 May (Thurs) to 30 May (Sunday) as addicted to game “侠客风云传”

2.      Motivational Quotes / Video stop for 4 days as well from 27 May onwards

3.      Reading still failed as usual.

4.      Meditation – stop a while .

 

As week 6^th (23 May to 29 May) is a great lesson to me, motivation really doesn’t keep that persistence, but to be driven , yes – it’s the key to be persistent. Motivation, is just a crap when it comes to long term. DRIVEN , yes.

短暂的激励不能成长途坚持的动力，只有ＴＯ　ＢＥ　ＤＲＩＶＥＮ　,不知道华语怎么解释这个意境。总而言之，TO BE DRIVEN 才是自己的远征之旅的唯一钥匙。

第六改为第七周周目标：

1）保持运动

2）保持一天一正能量视频

3）继续跟进两位大哥大大，小屁孩的功课

4）继续了一周的冥想，再保持学习冥想,由最基本的观呼吸开始。（透过冥想更了解自己的内心世界（要无批判性-有意识去进行）。正念的基本概念=Mindfulness = 好专注-认知-明白-确实知道当刻在做什么，发生什么事。这状况可以在任何时间地方去进行的。冥想看似很西方的文字，当在中国文化中指的是内心的观察。专心做事，专心做人，专注当刻。）

5）在完成一切设备，建设好环境后，第六周-23/5 开始就开始阅读。

6）开始做物流市场调查，并更新Government policy.

忧郁症最恐怖之处在于，自己不知觉地患上。而更恐怖的是这真的会将自己最喜欢的工作，事变成了我自己最讨厌，最恨的工作。现在的我还未康复，只能像小孩子那样，再继续慢慢栽培回自己爱做的事，爱好。

人生那么长，要学习的事可多呢。记得黄师傅的29字座右铭：“勇敢面对人生，展望未来！做事踏踏实实，对事不对人！以诚待人！天天学习！”